Super Mom! Not.

The Little Princess had dozed off a few minutes after her sick Kuya did and silence had finally enveloped our tiny room. No more little screams and giggles echoing up onto the next room or even our next door neighbor at 10 in the evening.

I slowly unlatched my Little Princess from nursing and carefully unwrapped her arms around me so as not to wake her up, while I turned to my right to touch my Big Boy’s forehead. He was hot as my chocolate drink early in the morning at work. I got up to get the ear thermometer and checked the Big Boy’s temperature: it read 38.5 degrees Celsius. I went to the bathroom, took a washcloth and a small basin and filled it with lukewarm water. I soaked and wrung the washcloth and folded it in a rectangular shape and went back to our darkly lit room. After seeing the Big Boy soundly sleeping, I reached for his arms and wiped them with the wet washcloth then rested it on his hot tiny forehead to cool his body down. This is his third night of fever.

I remember the days when I was a new mom. Instances like this would already make me so worried to the point of panicking. Thanks to 4 years of motherhood, I’ve learned to keep my calm. But still, seeing your child sick and unable to enjoy the day like he normally does by playing and running around until he runs out of energy, is one of the hardest things of being a mother. These are the times I wish I am indeed a “Super Mom” with “superpowers” to heal my suffering child.

The reality is, even though I brazenly call myself a “Super Mom“, I am a far cry from being one. Remember when the Big Boy almost drowned from the pool right before my eyes when we went swimming on Black Saturday? I felt I could’ve prevented it from happening by going with them in the pool right from the start or by not letting him dip in water without me in the first place.

Here’s another confession. When we were ready to leave for our Holy Week vacation, I was holding the Little Princess in my one hand while carrying a load of other stuff in my other hand. We hopped into the elevator and pushed the button 2 floors down. As the elevator descended, my eyes got caught in the announcement posted on the elevator wall and I didn’t notice we were already on our destined floor. Much worse, I didn’t notice that my little daughter held on to the elevator door while it opened causing her tiny little hand to get stuck! Thank God I was able to remove her hand and there were no scratches or bruises as a result of my inadvertent “neglect”. That 5 seconds seemed like forever especially when she started to cry out loud!

Deep sigh. Super Mom misadventures. These are just 2 of the many more I had.

But you know what? I know right from the very beginning that I’m not really a “Super Mom”. It’s just my positive thinking. My self-actualization. Rather than thinking that I cannot do things and get shaken by the huge responsibility of being a wife and a mother as well as the other roles that the Lord has given me, I chose to be positive about it. But more than that, there’s an irony about the label “Super Mom” that I like so much. Despite the undeniable truth of our total incapacity as mothers to become “super” and do everything that we’d like to for ourselves, our family and others, there’s an absolute super power from God that can actually enable us to do them through faith.

Via indulgy.com

Being a Super Mom is not about doing it with all my might all by myself. I have mishaps, see. A lot. Rather, it’s about trusting God and laying every aspect of motherhood to Him because He is the One that’s Super and I am NOT after all.

The Money and Faith Challenge

After quite a long time I can’t remember, I’m doing a prayer and fasting. I was actually supposed to join CCF’s prayer and fasting which took place last week but I wasn’t able to prepare physically and more importantly, spiritually so I just decided to do it this week and today is my Day 3. I’m not on food fast though because I’m breastfeeding but I cut myself from something I call “pleasure eating” or in between munching of anything I find in my office pedestal or in our ref at home (like chips, chocolates, biscuits). I’m also fasting from the internet (except for work-related or spiritual-related stuff) and the social media. So far so good. 🙂

Anyhow, much as I want to share the things that God revealed to me in my past 3 days of prayer and fasting, I do not have the luxury of time to put them all into words in this blog. I’m in fact doing my best to find time for devotion given my full work schedule this week and family time when I’m at home. I tried to spend my prayer after the kids have slept at around 10:30pm but I failed. I fell asleep. 😀 But I discovered that early morning upon reaching the office and lunchtime are the best times for me to do my devotion and prayer. And it’s a success! 😉

So why am I writing now? 😀 Well, I just want to share something about what God revealed to me last week. It’s one of God’s first revelations to me this year so I’m really excited to share it with you. 🙂

I was actually making a mental list of things to pray for this week for my prayer and fasting when I came across Rica Peralejo’s post about money and trusting God. Then a big question mark popped in my head:

“When was the last time I tithed or gave an offering to Lord?”  Ahhmmm. In market research, my answer is “can’t recall”. Uttered shamefully.

I seriously can’t remember the last time I offered even a small part of what I earn to the Lord. So for the longest time, I’ve been savoring for myself and for my family something that God graciously provides me without giving Him back anything that is due to Him. I’ve been robbing God (Malachi 3:8-9). What I receive every payday is not that much, probably why I hold all the more on what I have.

To give you a bit of perspective, I continue to work in a corporate job even if I have 2 kids to help my husband with our finances. Not that hubby is having difficulty providing for our family (he is actually a great provider and I thank God that he is very good at his role!), but we feel that it would be better if both of us will be able to contribute to the needs of our family especially now that we have 2 children. I remember when we were still a small family of 3, I opened up to Daddy J the option for me to quit my job and stay home so I could focus on taking care of him and the Big Boy. He didn’t dismiss the idea but he said that even though he thinks his earnings seem to suffice for our needs, he would like me to help him in building our finances so that we’re not “gipit” and will have some to spare for our “wants” (Light-bulb moment: cutie baby stuff which absolutely hubby wouldn’t approve to buy so I better have my own money for these things! Haha! 😀 ). Basically, to live a little more “comfortable” life.

And now that our little family has grown into 4 plus the house that we acquired more than a year ago and the expenses for our daily needs and “wants”, I need more than ever to work. And with all these money outflow required, I felt that my and hubby’s combined income are just enough (or bordering enough and insufficient 😀 ) for what we “need and want”. Therefore, I made myself believe that what we have are “just enough” for us and I cannot take a portion of at least what I earn for the Lord.

While I convinced myself that we do not have much money to splurge, I kept on buying things that are either one, I/we need but too much, cost-wise and/or quantity-wise (examples: make-up, perfume, kids’ clothes) or two, I/we do not need that much like (several) hybrid-fitted cloth diapers (Ooopppss, hubby knows now! 😀 ). The Little Princess already have enough but I still continue purchase some more cute prints even if she’s near potty-training already (Now, I have to delay the Little Princess’ potty-training! Hehe! Kidding! Need to destash soon!). In short, I don’t spend wisely and I’m not being a good steward of God’s blessings.

But God has an amusing way of convicting our hearts. When I was reading the Bible last week, God spoke to me about money through the following verses:

Innocent I thought I was but God showed me how much value I put on money that I spend it all for ourselves and put the Lord out of my finance equation. I held on to it believing the little amount is just enough for us and there’s nothing more I can give to the Lord. I couldn’t let it go. I have also let money consume me with the way I spent it even though I knew we do not have that much. The high value and importance of money for me reveals the littleness of my trust that God will provide for our family’s needs.

When I moved to Genesis, these words seemed to be telling me direct instructions on what I ought to do next! 🙂 This is not my first time to tithe because several years back, I used to regularly slash off a tenth of my salary for the Lord. It was part of my every-15th-of-the-month “budget” itemized in my budget monitoring Excel file which I still use up to now. And guess what, during those times, money was never a concern for me. I always had something to spend for my needs. And I became debt-free from credit cards at some point in my life! 😀 More than these, God filled my heart with joy for obeying Him and contentment and complete satisfaction that only He can fulfill.

Now, the Lord challenges me to do the same again — to entrust my finances to Him by giving what He is due and trust that He will provide. I’m reminded of His promise in Malachi 3:10:

This year, I’m taking God’s challenge to give my tithes and offerings faithfully. I’d like to experience once again the feeling of joy and contentment and the blessings that come with obedience to this command. Furthermore, I’d like to thank and worship Him for all that He has done, is doing and will be doing in our life through this simple act of “sacrificial” giving.